Civilization V: Vermont Ski House

For the 2005-2006 Winter, the same crew that went to Whip-o-Will headed to Vermont for some snowboarding. As you may or may not rememebr from the Whip-o-Will trip, this group of semi-upstanding people reverted into pure and total white trash. No matter how hard some people or jews tried not to become white trash, it was inevitable and the change was complete in us all by the end of the trip.

Now being this is the same group of people heading to Vermont, you might expect the same thing. You might expect the house to be full of illegeitamte kids, welfare checks, Tek-9's, Schlitz, and shotguns within minutes of arriving. However, it may have seemed that I jumped the gun in saying that everyone turns into white trash while camping. Perhaps, that is just stage one of a metamorphisis, or a progression of human-kind when surrounded by dirt and trees and very very very large women with 300 kids. If we had stayed for the summer, lord knows what we would have turned into.

This hypothisis comes about because as I look back over the Vermont pictures, there isn't just one stereo-type we adhered to, such as WASPish behavior (we were in a ski-lodge) or white trash (we were in fucking Vermont). Infact, upon closer inspection, it would seem, these 8 subjects give or take a few guest stars had in 3 months gone the course that most civilizations take a millenia to do.

Figure 1. Every society starts with flame

We had done it. We as a pack of mammals had traveled north, settled, stole several bundles of wood from the nearest 7-11, used a duraflame log and a lighter and made FIRE!!!! I am assuming this is just how our ancestors did it on the plains of Africa. Now that we had shelter and warmth, it was time to start worrying about food and drink to survive. For drink, we drank what you would normally think of drinking in a sunny, yet snowy valley. Something that is in total abundance in Vermont, that all the locals swear is the purest for miles around; BEER

Figure 2. Notice the position of the ring ladies!

Now that we had drink in order, it was time to turn to food. Unfortunatly, we had settled into a heavily populated area with the only wild animal in season to hunt was Redneck. None of us felt like eating this stringy, nicotine soaked meat, so we did what any smart civilization would do. When in doubt about where your food is to come from and how it's going to be prepared, and you are Irish, you take a couple of Italians, toss them into a kitchen with some tomatos, and a large pot and you will be feasting in no time.

Figure 3. I swear it's just a coincidence he can lay cement as well

Figure 4. Normally that would get a 10 on the Streotype scale, but that is a normal T-shirt, not a wife beater. 9/10

Our society now had stable food, drink, and shelter with heat and light. We were a stable people, full of pride with our ability to survive. So as the Romans during the incline of their civilization turned to the arena, we turned to fun and games ourselves. Despite the horrible fucking weather, i.e., no god damn snow we actually did manage to go snowboarding a few times. Here we can see the former Court Jesters, who for many years provided nothing but laughs on the mountain have acheived Ride or Die status.

Figure 5. Ride or Die Bitches!

Figure 6. I am so good, I make it look easy.

Figure 7. The Royal Snowboarding Court Approves the Jester's Promotions

While getting promoted is all fine and well, you can not have the Royal games and court without a Jester. Action needed to be taken, this lack of snowboarding hilarity would prove disastours to the society. So once again, we took a page out of history (or Disney movies) and took the most unlikely hero, ripped them from a bar stool, dressed them in Chris's pants, Mongo's Coat, Joe's socks, and oddly enough Donny's underwear, and tossed that Irish-donkey on a hill.

Figure 8. It's hard to tell...but she is actually going backwards UP the hill.
The only thing missing from a house of 8 people with all the fun they could want are sins of the flesh. So naturally the 8, just like Adam and Eve had done, paired up.

Figure 9. Erin finds she enjoys raping Chris, yet Chris says "There's no raping the willing.

Figure 10. Jill and Donny. Short love, doesn't mean Small Love.

Figure 11. Don't look directly at the teeth unless you are a professional. You will get lost in the reflection.

Figure 12. Billy outsources his match-making to the Lilliputians

Figure 13. Sean and...........his left hand......
We had it all; food, drink, shelter, fire, and fun. Everything at our finger tips, no matter what one of us wanted, the next would top it. Erin would get a shot glass, so Joe would get a pint glass, so Chris would get an iPod, so Billy would get some Whacky-Tabacky, so Mongo would drool all over her self (she didn't get the idea of the game), so Donny would get a new set of Happy Feet. It was a never ending cycle of out doing eachother, till I, took the lead with the brand new, limited edition, one of a kind, freshly cleaned, Jew Scarf.

Figure 14. Sean finally gets his head between a woman's legs.
We were a fat and bloated society. There was no end to our decadence. Jew scarves? Donkeys on Snowboards? Mongo kept in the house? There was no end to what we would do. And like every society that has been weighted under its own greed and lust for fun, we were prone to influence at the promise of more and more sinful activities. Enter the Devil.

Figure 15. When Apples and Silver fail, go for the Jaeger

The vile concotion of Vodka and Jaeger slithered through our once great society and began to weaken it at its very core. Once proud people who slept in beds or atop Irishmen's shoulders now slept amongst dirty, smelly ass shoes.

Figure 16. Wanna guess what the worst smelling thing in this picture is?

The working man was being pushed out for people of ethnic backgrounds who would work for lower wages.

Figure 17. Pablo shuffles up and deals

The streets were no longer safe. These long, windy, roads had once been safe enough to walk alone at midnight carrying fat stacks of cash. Now they were ripe with street walkers, vagrants, and Thugz

Figure 18. This guy is whiter then Bob Saget, who's he kiddin?

Figure 19. "Get it together Grouch" -Dave Chapelle

Figure 20. Julia Robert's inspiration for Pretty Woman

Our civilization was ruined. It was a mere shadow of its former self. The corrupt soared, while the innocent dressed in purple sweaters and hopped in front seats at long red lights. However, that's not to say it was beyond repair. All the people needed was a nice day to BBQ, and a notice from the rental agency that the house has to be clean by May 1st. So all our asses got in gear cleaned the house from top to bottom and enjoyed the end of our world as we knew it and went out with our very own Last Supper.

Figure 21. We ate the other Apostles